He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
