I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
