i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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