I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
