thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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