Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
