i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
