remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
