I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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