Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
