a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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