i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
