I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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