I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
