im six kinds of drunk right now
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
