think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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