the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
