and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
