I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My breasts were aching with rage.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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