Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
