Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Acid is not a monday night drug
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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