i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
