Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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