Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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