I should be sponsored by Trojan
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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