I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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