1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
