My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
