Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
