My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
