i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
