is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
