Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
