..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he thought i was a dude.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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