he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
