Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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