I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
