the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
