My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize