as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
