oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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