I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
soo... how was my night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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