were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your cock deserves a montage
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
