he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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