Tell her she can't have a vagina
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
