On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
