yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
