im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
