So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
