he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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