I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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