i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
