Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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