I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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