I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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