come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
