I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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