I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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