she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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