going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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