when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
