Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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