why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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