I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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