Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Small penises have feelings too.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
