I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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