Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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