I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
