Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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