dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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