Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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