My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
