When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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